I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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