We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
