Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
