Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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