we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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