Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
