Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
