What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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