all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
