The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
