You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
