Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
