Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
