So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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