i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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