Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You can't special order awesome
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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