apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
