State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
