YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
