She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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