chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
