Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize
