my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
