Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
