I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
40s are totally the cure
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
