Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
