I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
