I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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