she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
