dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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