K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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