I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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