hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
