man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
