Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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