she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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