Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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