Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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