it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
