Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
