the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
