So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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