Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
