she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
