Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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