At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are we still banned from the library?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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