You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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