I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
