Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
