You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
