she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
