new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
