It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
