I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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