There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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