it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
