Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
