Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
