Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
