there's paper in my vomit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This house was built for laser tag.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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