Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
