So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
