hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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