Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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