he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
