how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
