you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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