i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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