Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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