god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Houston, we have a squirter
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
