Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love you.
Bad choice
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
