Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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