guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
