Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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